Varieties of Gifts by Lindner Cynthia G.;

Author:Lindner, Cynthia G.; [Lindner, Cynthia G.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2016-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

Called To and Through Conflict

Though the term itself may lead us to imagine that “adaptive” change will be gentle, accommodating, or easy for congregations to embrace, any seasoned leader knows that this is rarely the case. In their book How to Lead in Church Conflict: Grieving the Ungrieved Loss, authors Bernie Lyon and Dan Moseley wisely observe that congregations caught in the midst of our generation’s rapid cultural dislocation are, unbeknownst to themselves and their pastors, experiencing shock and grief—emotions that, unacknowledged, surface in serious conflicts among members of congregations, and between congregants and their leadership. Both Lara and Rob described seasons of intense conflict in their congregations, confrontation without which change would likely not have been meaningful or lasting. Conflict and change, it seems, are close cousins—one is often the occasion for the other. This recognition may be one of the most challenging realities of pastoral leadership: many find it hard to accept the fact that effective ministers must actually engage conflict, rather than avoiding, deflecting, or defusing it. As practical wisdom would have it, “the way around is through.”

Without exception, the pastors I interviewed for this study made reference to experiences of conflict in the congregations they served. Seldom were these petty differences, either. Pastors described stark disagreements over the mission or direction of the congregation, the core beliefs of the church, the political and social challenges of a particular time and place, the hiring and firing of significant staff members, the gender or sexual orientation of the leadership. Not surprisingly, many of the pastoral narrators admitted to being deeply affected by these experiences of discord, sometimes questioning their vocations or even, in one or two cases, their own ability to survive the situation. But characteristic of these effective pastors was a striking and obvious resilience, an ability eventually to rise above or stand apart from the dissonance and reactivity long enough to reframe the issue, offer a different narrative, consider strategic interventions, and engage the situation at hand with an effective mixture of intention, tenacity, courage, compassion . . . and in most cases, a transformative deployment of well-differentiated detachment. In an impressive number of cases, pastors understood these conflicts as shaping and informing their ministries, preparing them for “the next level” of pastoral leadership or for some other major life challenge. And for a few of these pastors, leading the church through significant experiences of conflict has become their life’s work.

By contrast, therapists and coaches who work with struggling pastors observe that those who are most negatively affected by conflict in congregations often exhibit high needs for acceptance and are eager to please others, a singular focus which dominates the way they inhabit their roles, and the way they view conflict. Frequently, these pastors experienced connection and affirmation in a church community as a youth or an active layperson, reporting the sorts of positive associations that often lead people to consider a ministerial vocation in the first place. Highly relational pastors are often surprised and disappointed

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